This time of year, even with the happy times of Izzie's birthday and our anniversary, is a bad time for me. It was bad before, but after last year, it's terrible.
One year ago, my father was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, three days before Izzie's birthday. The entire month of August was spent either at his house or the hospital. He passed away September 9. August was bad to begin with, because my mother passed away August 16, 1995. I had gotten to where the grief didn't bring me down as much as it did when my mother first passed, but with this being the one year anniversary, this year is bad. I was very close with my father. I have heard of the "steps" of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I don't believe I've gone through those, except the anger and depression. I think I was at the acceptance phase with my mother, but it took 20 years. Now, it's just sadness. I have found that a good support system is crucial. That's where my husband and my brothers come in. They all know that if I'm having "a moment", as I call it, they get texts or phone calls. The same goes for my brothers. Because sometimes, just sharing the sadness helps. And knowing someone else is missing them just as much as I am helps. My stepmom and I have a code of if we ask each other how we are, and we are having a bad day, we say "I'm ok". That translates into "I'm sad and it's really hard, but I'm surviving and I'm still here." Grief can be crushing. And there are times you just have to hold on until it passes. But, one thing I have learned, "This too shall pass" is a very true saying. The grief will never really go away. It just gets a little easier every day to get through it.