Grief

As you all know, I have now lost both of my parents. One recently, one not so recently. I wanted to share on how differently grief can affect you. When my mother died, I was 18 and a new mother. I didn't really get to grieve, per se, for a while after her death. Now, don't get me wrong, there is a difference between the crying and sadness and the actual grieving. There was plenty of crying and sadness. But, I was so busy with my newborn and other things that happened, that I didn't really get to grieve, which is probably not the best thing. When you are running on no sleep and breast feeding, you don't really have time to think. This time, with my father, I am experiencing grief right away. The worst is I am tired. So tired, my bones want to sleep. I just want to sleep all the time. And I'm sad, but I think I have been cried out. I tear up, but I don't cry anymore. All of this is foreign to me. I know all about the grieving process and the stages, but I don't think I realized how physical grief can manifest itself. Or maybe I did and just didn't have time to notice it back then. I don't know. It's actually almost interesting. I did go to the cemetery today. We haven't gotten a stone yet, but his spot is right under a beautiful old tree. He would have liked that.He loved the outdoors and birds. God, he loved his hummingbirds. He had feeders on his front porch and there are about 20 birds that come to them. It's amazing to watch all them fly around. It was one of his favorite things to do, sitting on the front porch and watching them.

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